My Great Escapes :
Emily
Eyenie
Fad
Fasya
Jehan
Hawa
Zai Zaila
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
her next move
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Last night as I was randomly browsing through some friends' profiles on fb, one particular post caught my eye. A friend, is now lying unconscious in the hospital due to a hit and run accident. Two sides of his skull are fractured and he is in unstable condition. Although we are not as close as we used to be, he is still a friend. And for this misfortune to happen on the very first day of the fasting month, my heart really goes out to his family. I will pray for your speedy recovery, friend. Hopefully prayers made during this blessed month will be answered.
As today marks the third day of Ramadhan, I look forward to a month of abstinence, patience and solace. Insya Allah. Hopefully it will help me be that better person that I n.e.e.d to be. Not only for these 30 days but ongoing, or so I pray.
Here's wishing all Muslims a blessed Ramadhan. Amin.
As today marks the third day of Ramadhan, I look forward to a month of abstinence, patience and solace. Insya Allah. Hopefully it will help me be that better person that I n.e.e.d to be. Not only for these 30 days but ongoing, or so I pray.
Here's wishing all Muslims a blessed Ramadhan. Amin.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Over.Due
Its been a long while since I updated any pictures here. Pictures are just random. Taken everywhere. There are just too many so here are some of my favourite picks. Here goes...........
*disclaimer : pictures here might not depict current facts as these are wayyyyyy overdue....*
Sunday, August 16, 2009
2 months
So much have happened over the span of 2 months, so much so that I do not know where to begin. I have not had much time to update. With two colleagues leaving, I am undertaking the job functions of 3 persons, my own included. By the time I get home, I am literally yearning for my bed.
From where I left off,nothing much have changed. I am still feeling a tad down most of the time, regardless of the cheery outlook that I portray to others. What gets me down most of the time is that an issue always seem to surface after one has just been resolved. Never ending, I dare say. Its tiring, or should I say exhausting. Is this my 'retribution' for all my evil deeds in the past? If so, then I am really being tested here.
Of late, I have been thinking of my dearly departed grandfather. It has been 17 months since he left and I really am missing him. He was the only grandfather that I have fond memories of. He was the grandfather who would sit me at the back of his bicycle and he would cycle to the parks and hang his pet birds on the tall poles so that they could chirp beautifully. He was the grandfather who would not reprimand us for our mistakes but advise in a gentle manner. I miss him. I think we all do. But his departure has brought severe changes to my grandmother. She is not as jovial and illness seems to keep bestowing upon her. First, it was the mild dementia. She would ask us repeated questions for countless of times. We found it amusing in the beginning. But afterwards, we began to worry. What would happen if she goes out of her house and could not remember her way back? Now, she has an appointment with a dialysis coordinator. Pls, pls do not let her have any problems with her kidney/s. I just could not bear the thought of her undergoing dialysis. She has suffered enough. Ya Allah, I know I have not been the best of persons, but pls protect her. I love my nyai and I really could not bear to see her this way.
I might not seem as a person who showcase my emotions or the way I feel to others. More often than not, people always seem to have the impression that I am such an ice queen. Egoist and without tact or care for others. But that is not what I really am, or how I might truly feel. I am just guarded.
From where I left off,nothing much have changed. I am still feeling a tad down most of the time, regardless of the cheery outlook that I portray to others. What gets me down most of the time is that an issue always seem to surface after one has just been resolved. Never ending, I dare say. Its tiring, or should I say exhausting. Is this my 'retribution' for all my evil deeds in the past? If so, then I am really being tested here.
Of late, I have been thinking of my dearly departed grandfather. It has been 17 months since he left and I really am missing him. He was the only grandfather that I have fond memories of. He was the grandfather who would sit me at the back of his bicycle and he would cycle to the parks and hang his pet birds on the tall poles so that they could chirp beautifully. He was the grandfather who would not reprimand us for our mistakes but advise in a gentle manner. I miss him. I think we all do. But his departure has brought severe changes to my grandmother. She is not as jovial and illness seems to keep bestowing upon her. First, it was the mild dementia. She would ask us repeated questions for countless of times. We found it amusing in the beginning. But afterwards, we began to worry. What would happen if she goes out of her house and could not remember her way back? Now, she has an appointment with a dialysis coordinator. Pls, pls do not let her have any problems with her kidney/s. I just could not bear the thought of her undergoing dialysis. She has suffered enough. Ya Allah, I know I have not been the best of persons, but pls protect her. I love my nyai and I really could not bear to see her this way.
I might not seem as a person who showcase my emotions or the way I feel to others. More often than not, people always seem to have the impression that I am such an ice queen. Egoist and without tact or care for others. But that is not what I really am, or how I might truly feel. I am just guarded.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Tried.and.Tired
Just when I thought things have taken for the better, there you go again. I just do not understand why it is my fault when certain mails do not reach you. I also do not understand why it is my fault when things do not go your way. Am i am outlet for you to vent your frustrations? If I am then let me know cause when I signed on the dotted lines to undertake this role, I do not see this as part of my scope.
I am imperfect, yes. I make mistakes. I, too have my moments of displeasure. But I do not blame you for each and every single thing that happens to me.
I am sick.and.tired of all this ludicrousness. I really am.
Do not try me.
I am imperfect, yes. I make mistakes. I, too have my moments of displeasure. But I do not blame you for each and every single thing that happens to me.
I am sick.and.tired of all this ludicrousness. I really am.
Do not try me.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Frustrate. Me
As hard as I try to regain my composure, I just cant do it. Things are all heading in the wrong direction. Tsk. I really loathe that unsettling feeling when everything that I have planned for suddenly becomes uncertain.
One of my best TSEs tendered his resignation today. All because of a project that has proven its ability in bringing my staff down. Demoralised and pushed to rock bottom, one has decided to surrender. A few others have consulted me and made aware of their intentions to leave for a rival company if the performance of the project does not improve. I do not blame them. They are here to support their livelihood, and if this project is not bringing in results, its ultimately affecting their incentives. As much as it breaks my heart to see them go cos mind you, they are a bunch of fine TSEs with little or no attitude/performance issues, I have to release them so that they will be able to seek greener pastures and attain better things in life.
The other department is also not helping. Not only is the quality of the project questionable, you are also asking me to rush out a report that is taking me weeks to update. Yes, I do understand your frustration as you need my report to analyse the consumer behaviour. But at the same time, who is empathising with me? I have to manually update 33k worth of data on excel and its taking me forever. And please, I too have other projects and job functions. I am holding onto other roles as well. Sigh. This is really getting to me.
Ugh. I cant wait for Friday to be over.
Quoted from one of the managers in another dept : Nothing done does not mean we are not working.
One of my best TSEs tendered his resignation today. All because of a project that has proven its ability in bringing my staff down. Demoralised and pushed to rock bottom, one has decided to surrender. A few others have consulted me and made aware of their intentions to leave for a rival company if the performance of the project does not improve. I do not blame them. They are here to support their livelihood, and if this project is not bringing in results, its ultimately affecting their incentives. As much as it breaks my heart to see them go cos mind you, they are a bunch of fine TSEs with little or no attitude/performance issues, I have to release them so that they will be able to seek greener pastures and attain better things in life.
The other department is also not helping. Not only is the quality of the project questionable, you are also asking me to rush out a report that is taking me weeks to update. Yes, I do understand your frustration as you need my report to analyse the consumer behaviour. But at the same time, who is empathising with me? I have to manually update 33k worth of data on excel and its taking me forever. And please, I too have other projects and job functions. I am holding onto other roles as well. Sigh. This is really getting to me.
Ugh. I cant wait for Friday to be over.
Quoted from one of the managers in another dept : Nothing done does not mean we are not working.
Strange-r
Keeping score of old scores and scars, getting even and one-upping, always makes you less than you are. -- Malcolm Forbes
Last year, in a company contest, I won a tiny book filled with notes that will open up one's heart and mind. 'Lift Me Up' by Ron Kaufman. I have never gotten myself to flip the pages as I was filled with disinterest and thought that it was merely pages of quotes which I could just gather from the web.
What got me to pick up this book thats been lying on my work-desk for the past year was a comment made by a guest on my blog tagboard. She was an anonymous wife/mother who said that I should not be feeling down and out as I have described. With a wholesome family and an adorable son with me, she felt that I should be consoled and contented. She, a stranger was trying me feel better. And at that moment, I tried looking at things in prospective.
My life might not be filled with riches. I do have moments where I felt that more is always better. And how i yearn to get a new Coach, etc - not that there's anything wrong with the existing one though. Khalil and I do have our differences. His ideals and mine cause us to bicker at times but at the end of the day, we are working towards the same goal - all for the good of Haziq.
So, thank you, Ms Guest. =) Whoever you are, you have opened up my initially half-shut eyes and now I believe, my glass is finally half full.
Last year, in a company contest, I won a tiny book filled with notes that will open up one's heart and mind. 'Lift Me Up' by Ron Kaufman. I have never gotten myself to flip the pages as I was filled with disinterest and thought that it was merely pages of quotes which I could just gather from the web.
What got me to pick up this book thats been lying on my work-desk for the past year was a comment made by a guest on my blog tagboard. She was an anonymous wife/mother who said that I should not be feeling down and out as I have described. With a wholesome family and an adorable son with me, she felt that I should be consoled and contented. She, a stranger was trying me feel better. And at that moment, I tried looking at things in prospective.
My life might not be filled with riches. I do have moments where I felt that more is always better. And how i yearn to get a new Coach, etc - not that there's anything wrong with the existing one though. Khalil and I do have our differences. His ideals and mine cause us to bicker at times but at the end of the day, we are working towards the same goal - all for the good of Haziq.
So, thank you, Ms Guest. =) Whoever you are, you have opened up my initially half-shut eyes and now I believe, my glass is finally half full.