always.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Mon.Day

Its Monday morning and I am seating at my workspace feeling uber sleepy from the lack of sleep. Blame it on fb. I switched my lappie on at about 2pm to do up a report thats due before lunch today and yet I ended up fb-ing till evening. Then I went to meet Siti at her workplace and when i got home later that night, instead of completing that report, i ended up chatting on fb. This fb. Its evil. Ugh.

On a random note, my body is super exhausted and its screaming for mercy. Its been super looong since I had a nice massage. Its at the top of my 'needs' list. I am not asking for much though. Just a 60min one will do. :)

Just pray that I can get through today because the mind is on the 'i-cant-function' mode. Its only Monday and I really cant wait for Friday. Will be on leave then. Yay-ness.

Till then, have a great week ahead everyone. :)

Monday, March 23, 2009

Shiks

I first saw her when I was 13. She had that stuck up aura surrounding her. We didnt speak to each other much then. She had her own friends, I had mine.

When I was 14, we were in the same class. We grew closer and I was glad she was my friend.

15 was my age of rebellion. We were partners in crime. We stuck together quite a bit but an incident also tore us apart.

I regarded her as my best girl friend when I was 16 and I prayed that it will remain that way. But sadly, it didnt.

After secondary school, we went our separate ways. She was the smart one who got into mass communications, and I was the dumb a*s who flunked maths at O levels. Although I made new friends, I was secretly jealous. I missed her and I envied those bunch of people who got to spend more time with her.

When we entered adulthood and started our own career paths, our schedules kept us even further apart and to a point we lost touch altogether. It was just tough to meet and catch up. We were both busy. We made appointments but more often than not, either of us bailed as there were more immediate issues which required our immediate attention.

But time apart does not make us strangers. We met up a couple of times before my wedding, when I was preggers and our last meet up was last Sunday when she dropped by my mum's cos she was in the vicinity.

Thanks Shik. For those wonderful years of friendship. Despite the misunderstandings that we might have when we were a tad younger (ehem, not that we that old now), you will always be that special girlfriend to me.

Cant wait for the 4th. *hugs*

Missing

These, I miss....

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Feel.Felt. Feeling

I dont usually use the word hate. Thats is such a strong word to use and it sounds so wrong. So mean and crude.

But how do you describe your feelings towards someone who frustrates you so much and that the sight of the person loathes you sometime and that the words that the person types in his/her emails or come out of his/her mouth justs drip with sarcasm or on a i'm-pretending-to-care-but-whatever kind of tone? Just how do you describe that?

I dislike feeling this way and I just wished that I could simply shut this feeling out. But its impossible.

*Sucks*

I really really really need a break to get away from all these and the only upcoming one is in October. Sheesh. Like thats gonna come tomorrow...

Loathe

i SO freaking hate you right now!

Sunday, March 15, 2009

End

Is it coming to an end or is it already over?

Wheeze

My wheezing did not go away despite it being the weekend and all. In fact, it got much much worse. I had difficulty breathing that Friday night and in the wee hours of Saturday morning, it got terrible. I knew that my body is telling me I needed that much rest. Haziq was at my inlaws, leaving me at home to sleep. Saturday had me sleeping like a log. Didnt even eat anything except for that occasional sip of milk so that I dont die of hunger - yeah right.

I thought i was feeling a tad better the next day and followed mother to Giant to grab some groceries. I thought i was feeling better. Well, i thought wrong. I was exhausted by the time I got home and my wheezing acted up again. I could not even lift Haziq up. Took 2 puffs of inhaler and immediately went to sleep. I didnt get to sleep in peace though as I was coughing till my chest hurts.

How I wish that I could stay home today. But a few colleagues are on scheduled leave and there are a couple of reports thats waiting to be churned. Ugh. I really really need to feel better today. Cos I am so done feeling like an invalid.

Labels: wheeze

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Sucks.

Have you ever been through those times whereby things only went wrong? Despite whatever you do or say, nothing changes and seems to be only heading south? I think 2009 has so far been such a year for me.

I do acknowledge the fact that there are worst scenarios in comparison to mine (part of the world is living in poverty, dying of hunger, breadwinners losing their jobs, etc,etc) but I am not a Ms Congeniality by nature so right now I am feeling that my trivial issues have caused me to feel that i have had it up to my neck. I am just waiting for June 2009 where I will be officially debt - free. Good riddance.

Yesterday, things werent all merry either. I fell of my chair, dropped a bluberry doughnut on my gold top - leaving a purple mark,and the list just continues.

Today I started the day wheezing and feeling uber chesty. Must be all that iced tea and coke light. I find it a tad hard to breathe and guess what, I do not have my inhaler with me. Just my preventer. So, 4 puffs of the preventer it is. No nescafe for me this morning. Only hot tea. Hopefully I will feel better later on in the day.

I just wish that things will get a little bit better. Just a tinnie winnie bit will do. I'll be most appreciative if that happens.

Till then, I'm off to yet another gloomy Friday.

Have a good weekend,you!

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Dearly Departed

The move is completed. As of Saturday, 07.03.2009, I am back at my mum's.

I am not rejoicing at the fact that I no longer have to wake up at 5.30am to cook the day's meal. Nor am I exhilarated that office is just 2 bus - stops away. In reality, I am feeling very much dispirited. May 2008, it was just a bare unit called a house. Which we painstakingly decorated and colour co-ordinated and quarelled over petty decisions. I had to ensure that my cutleries matched my interiors and that the 3 main colours were down to black, white and beige. I had to insist that the wardrobes in the bedrooms were also of those colours - no others accepted. After all that meticulous planning, that house was finally called a home of my own. But in less than 6months, we had to leave the keys in the hands of a complete stranger with that glimmer of hope that he will take care of the house as though it was his own.

My fault to begin with, no one else to blame.

Till we meet again, 6 months from now.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Current Read

Can a stranger heal your heart?

After Kendra Tamale returns to England from Australia, she rents a room from Kyle, a single father of two, and looks forward to an uncomplicated life. Kyle's young twins, Summer and Jaxon, have other ideas and quickly adopt Kendra as their new mother - mainly because she lets them eat marshmallows for breakfast. Even though Kendra is hiding a painful secret that makes her keep everyone - particularly children - at arm's length, life improves for her as she becomes a part of their family. Then Kendra bumps into the man who shares her awful secret and everything falls apart - especially when the kids are taken away by their mother. The only way to fix things is to confess all about her past, but that's something she swore never to do...

Marshmallows For Breakfast is a tale of hope, redemption and finding love in unexpected places.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

kosher

I am not a fan of malay music but I just love this song at the moment.

Ku cuba redakan relung hati,

Bayangmu yang berlalu pergi,

Terlukis di dalam kenangan,

Bebas bermain di hatiku….

Cerita tentang masa lalu,

Cerita tentang kau dan aku,

Kini tinggal hanya kenangan,

Kau abadi di dalam hatiku….

Harusnya takkan ku biarkan kau pergi,

Membuat ku terpuruk rasa ingin mati,

Derita yang mendera kapan akan berakhir,

Hanya engkau yang mampu taklukkan hatiku....

Monday, March 2, 2009

scram

Sometimes I wonder, am I really that unreasonably petty? I have been told that sometimes the effort that someone puts into doing something for me is always unsatisfactory. That the actions taken never equates to my contentment. There always seem to be shortcomings in other people but not myself.

Thats where people are unaware that I do come down hard on myself. I know that I am adamant in certain aspects. Obstinate, definitely. And this face of mine. Glacial. Yes, all this I am aware. But life has led me to find out that being chummy with people might not be a good thing afterall.

Why do people gossip or deduce certain factors about a person? I do not deny the fact that a person might have sinned in the recent past but to sentence a person indefinitely is just disturbing. Everyone has had their fair share of mistakes and wrongdoings. Some more severe than others but one should only be answerable to HIM not the entire community. And that person who has deemed another as the sinful one and b!tches about the person, what makes him/her then? A righteous being?

I am not perfect. In fact, very far from it. However, one thing that I do not appreciate is your condemnation.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have far more important things to do than to fret about what you think of me. Fyi, your thoughts dont matter.

Despondent

Of late I have been feeling a tad depressed. Dont ask me why for I dont even have the reasons myself. Probably its all those little little things that just adds up.

Haziq has been pretty sickly. Bad cough and it didnt help that he probably has a gallon of phlegm in him. Yucks. Saw the gp once then the paedietrician. Nebulized. And now on constant monitoring in case his wheezing acts up. It could be another case of broncholitis which I am praying is not the case. The whole episode of hospital stay, splintered wrists, oxygen tank, nebulizer..Ugh. I rather him not go through that again.

Work has been crazy eversince I started this new project. Its one report after another, coaching, briefing, call evaluations. All on top of my regular jobscope. Taxed.

I just wished a had more than 24hours in a day, i need just a little bit more time to breathe, need some time to chill with the girls and need even more time to watch Haziq grow.

These I really need...please?

*sulk*

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Au Courant

New month, new blog.

I felt that it was high time I returned to blogspot. Multiply has been fun but it was unaccessible for friends who are without a multiply account. Or more importantly, I am unable to access my blog from my workstation. (Multiply is banned.)

New beginning. Or should I say back to the 'old'.

This March 7th, I will be moving back to my mum's place for a good 6months at least. Will be renting out my 5 month old house to a caucasian expat with his thai wife. Hopefully this move will help to ease our finances. Our savings are now close to zero after dumping the bulk of it into the costs of renovation and furnishings. Its time we start to save up. From scratch.

Speaking of the old, i came across some pretty old pictures of myself. A leaner me. I have grown a lill corpulent over this short span of 2 years. I guess these pictures shall serve as a motivational factor for me to shed some pounds.

I need to get back to work now. So..I shall leave you with my pictures from the past. I want to be thin again can?!


A wife. A mother.This site is best viewed when you dont hate me. My Great Escapes : Emily Eyenie Fad Fasya Jehan Hawa Zai Zaila March 2009 May 2009 June 2009 August 2009 December 2009 Bituwin - template Dementee - image	Sunday, March 29, 2009 Mon.Day Its Monday morning and I am seating at my workspace feeling uber sleepy from the lack of sleep. Blame it on fb. I switched my lappie on at about 2pm to do up a report thats due before lunch today and yet I ended up fb-ing till evening. Then I went to meet Siti at her workplace and when i got home later that night, instead of completing that report, i ended up chatting on fb. This fb. Its evil. Ugh. On a random note, my body is super exhausted and its screaming for mercy. Its been super looong since I had a nice massage. Its at the top of my 'needs' list. I am not asking for much though. Just a 60min one will do. :) Just pray that I can get through today because the mind is on the 'i-cant-function' mode. Its only Monday and I really cant wait for Friday. Will be on leave then. Yay-ness. Till then, have a great week ahead everyone. :) 6:20 PM · Monday, March 23, 2009 Shiks I first saw her when I was 13. She had that stuck up aura surrounding her. We didnt speak to each other much then. She had her own friends, I had mine. When I was 14, we were in the same class. We grew closer and I was glad she was my friend. 15 was my age of rebellion. We were partners in crime. We stuck together quite a bit but an incident also tore us apart. I regarded her as my best girl friend when I was 16 and I prayed that it will remain that way. But sadly, it didnt. After secondary school, we went our separate ways. She was the smart one who got into mass communications, and I was the dumb as who flunked maths at O levels. Although I made new friends, I was secretly jealous. I missed her and I envied those bunch of people who got to spend more time with her. When we entered adulthood and started our own career paths, our schedules kept us even further apart and to a point we lost touch altogether. It was just tough to meet and catch up. We were both busy. We made appointments but more often than not, either of us bailed as there were more immediate issues which required our immediate attention. But time apart does not make us strangers. We met up a couple of times before my wedding, when I was preggers and our last meet up was last Sunday when she dropped by my mum's cos she was in the vicinity. Thanks Shik. For those wonderful years of friendship. Despite the misunderstandings that we might have when we were a tad younger (ehem, not that we that* old now), you will always be that special girlfriend to me. Cant wait for the 4th. hugs 10:46 PM · Missing These, I miss.... 2:11 AM · Tuesday, March 17, 2009 Feel.Felt. Feeling I dont usually use the word hate. Thats is such a strong word to use and it sounds so wrong. So mean and crude. But how do you describe your feelings towards someone who frustrates you so much and that the sight of the person loathes you sometime and that the words that the person types in his/her emails or come out of his/her mouth justs drip with sarcasm or on a i'm-pretending-to-care-but-whatever kind of tone? Just how do you describe that? I dislike feeling this way and I just wished that I could simply shut this feeling out. But its impossible. Sucks I really really really need a break to get away from all these and the only upcoming one is in October. Sheesh. Like thats gonna come tomorrow... 5:47 PM · Loathe i SO freaking hate you right now! 3:07 AM · Sunday, March 15, 2009 End *Is it coming to an end or is it already over?* 11:43 PM · Wheeze My wheezing did not go away despite it being the weekend and all. In fact, it got much much worse. I had difficulty breathing that Friday night and in the wee hours of Saturday morning, it got terrible. I knew that my body is telling me I needed *that much* rest. Haziq was at my inlaws, leaving me at home to sleep. Saturday had me sleeping like a log. Didnt even eat anything except for that occasional sip of milk so that I dont die of hunger - yeah right. I *thought* i was feeling a tad better the next day and followed mother to Giant to grab some groceries. I *thought* i was feeling better. Well, i thought wrong. I was exhausted by the time I got home and my wheezing acted up again. I could not even lift Haziq up. Took 2 puffs of inhaler and immediately went to sleep. I didnt get to sleep in peace though as I was coughing till my chest hurts. How I wish that I could stay home today. But a few colleagues are on scheduled leave and there are a couple of reports thats waiting to be churned. Ugh. I really really need to feel better today. Cos I am so done feeling like an invalid. Labels: wheeze 10:49 PM · Thursday, March 12, 2009 Sucks. Have you ever been through those times whereby things only went wrong? Despite whatever you do or say, nothing changes and seems to be only heading south? I think 2009 has so far been such a year for me. I do acknowledge the fact that there are worst scenarios in comparison to mine (part of the world is living in poverty, dying of hunger, breadwinners losing their jobs, etc,etc) but I am not a Ms Congeniality by nature so right now I am feeling that my trivial issues have caused me to feel that i have had it up to my neck. I am just waiting for June 2009 where I will be officially debt - free. Good riddance. Yesterday, things werent all merry either. I fell of my chair, dropped a bluberry doughnut on my gold top - leaving a purple mark,and the list just continues. Today I started the day wheezing and feeling uber chesty. Must be all that iced tea and coke light. I find it a tad hard to breathe and guess what, I do not have my inhaler with me. Just my preventer. So, 4 puffs of the preventer it is. No nescafe for me this morning. Only hot tea. Hopefully I will feel better later on in the day. I just wish that things will get a little bit better. Just a tinnie winnie bit will do. I'll be most appreciative if that happens. Till then, I'm off to yet another gloomy Friday. Have a good weekend,you! 10:06 PM · Sunday, March 8, 2009 Dearly Departed The move is completed. As of Saturday, 07.03.2009, I am back at my mum's. I am not rejoicing at the fact that I no longer have to wake up at 5.30am to cook the day's meal. Nor am I exhilarated that office is just 2 bus - stops away. In reality, I am feeling very much dispirited. May 2008, it was just a bare unit called a house. Which we painstakingly decorated and colour co-ordinated and quarelled over petty decisions. I had to ensure that my cutleries matched my interiors and that the 3 main colours were down to black, white and beige. I had to insist that the wardrobes in the bedrooms were also of those colours - no others accepted. After all that meticulous planning, that house was finally called a home of my own. But in less than 6months, we had to leave the keys in the hands of a complete stranger with that glimmer of hope that he will take care of the house as though it was his own. My fault to begin with, no one else to blame. *Till we meet again, 6 months from now.* 11:18 PM · Wednesday, March 4, 2009 Current Read *Can a stranger heal your heart?* After Kendra Tamale returns to England from Australia, she rents a room from Kyle, a single father of two, and looks forward to an uncomplicated life. Kyle's young twins, Summer and Jaxon, have other ideas and quickly adopt Kendra as their new mother - mainly because she lets them eat marshmallows for breakfast. Even though Kendra is hiding a painful secret that makes her keep everyone - particularly children - at arm's length, life improves for her as she becomes a part of their family. Then Kendra bumps into the man who shares her awful secret and everything falls apart - especially when the kids are taken away by their mother. The only way to fix things is to confess all about her past, but that's something she swore never to do... *Marshmallows For Breakfast* is a tale of hope, redemption and finding love in unexpected places. 1:10 AM · Tuesday, March 3, 2009 kosher I am not a fan of malay music but I just love this song at the moment. Ku cuba redakan relung hati, Bayangmu yang berlalu pergi, Terlukis di dalam kenangan, Bebas bermain di hatiku…. Cerita tentang masa lalu, Cerita tentang kau dan aku, Kini tinggal hanya kenangan, Kau abadi di dalam hatiku…. Harusnya takkan ku biarkan kau pergi, Membuat ku terpuruk rasa ingin mati, Derita yang mendera kapan akan berakhir, Hanya engkau yang mampu taklukkan hatiku.... 3:46 AM · Monday, March 2, 2009 scram Sometimes I wonder, am I really that unreasonably petty? I have been told that sometimes the effort that someone puts into doing something for me is always unsatisfactory. That the actions taken never equates to my contentment. There always seem to be shortcomings in other people but not myself. Thats where people are unaware that I do come down hard on myself. I know that I am adamant in certain aspects. Obstinate, definitely. And this face of mine. Glacial. Yes, all this I am aware. But life has led me to find out that being chummy with people might not be a good thing afterall. Why do people gossip or deduce certain factors about a person? I do not deny the fact that a person might have sinned in the recent past but to sentence a person indefinitely is just disturbing. Everyone has had their fair share of mistakes and wrongdoings. Some more severe than others but one should only be answerable to HIM not the entire community. And that person who has deemed another as the sinful one and b!tches about the person, what makes him/her then? A righteous being? I am *not* perfect. In fact, very far from it. However, one thing that I do not appreciate is your condemnation. Now if you'll excuse me, I have far more important things to do than to fret about what you think of me. Fyi, your thoughts dont matter. 9:05 PM · Despondent Of late I have been feeling a tad depressed. Dont ask me why for I dont even have the reasons myself. Probably its all those little little things that just adds up. Haziq has been pretty sickly. Bad cough and it didnt help that he probably has a gallon of phlegm in him. Yucks. Saw the gp once then the paedietrician. Nebulized. And now on constant monitoring in case his wheezing acts up. It could be another case of broncholitis which I am praying is not the case. The whole episode of hospital stay, splintered wrists, oxygen tank, nebulizer..Ugh. I rather him not go through that again. Work has been crazy eversince I started this new project. Its one report after another, coaching, briefing, call evaluations. All on top of my regular jobscope. Taxed. I just wished a had more than 24hours in a day, i need just a little bit more time to breathe, need some time to chill with the girls and need even more time to watch Haziq grow. *These I really need...please?* sulk 7:57 AM · Sunday, March 1, 2009 Au Courant New month, new blog. I felt that it was high time I returned to blogspot. Multiply has been fun but it was unaccessible for friends who are without a multiply account. Or more importantly, I am unable to access my blog from my workstation. (Multiply is banned.) New beginning. Or should I say back to the 'old'. This March 7th, I will be moving back to my mum's place for a good 6months at least. Will be renting out my 5 month old house to a caucasian expat with his thai wife. Hopefully this move will help to ease our finances. Our savings are now close to zero after dumping the bulk of it into the costs of renovation and furnishings. Its time we start to save up. From scratch. Speaking of the old, i came across some pretty old pictures of myself. A leaner me. I have grown a lill corpulent over this short span of 2 years. I guess these pictures shall serve as a motivational factor for me to shed some pounds. I need to get back to work now. So..I shall leave you with my pictures from the past. I want to be thin again can?! 8:44 PM ·